Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes Funny Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes

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A guy walks into a bar with from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else." The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?" The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk, the dog looks at his owner and says, "DiMaggio?"

A snail goes into a bar and from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says 'Sorry we don't serve snails' and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says... 'What did you do that for!'

A Skeleton walks into a bar asks from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
A Skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a beer... and a mop.

Ever hear the expression hard drinker Never from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
Ever hear the expression "hard drinker" ? Never made much sense to me, drinking's one of the easiest things in the world to do.

Contrary to what people say you can from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
Contrary to what people say, you can indeed drink to relax. Of course sometimes, you get so calm, you can't move.

Remember an alcoholic a drunk are not from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
Remember, an alcoholic & a drunk are not the same thing at all. The alcoholic has to attend meetings.

Two ladies are in a bar and from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
Two ladies are in a bar and the first lady says, "Why are men the same as parking lots". So the second lady says "I don't know?" So the first lady says, " all the good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicap!"

A man walks into a bar with from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman "Can I have a drink for me and one for the road?"

A group of loud and rowdy drunks from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
A group of loud and rowdy drunks were making a racket in the street. It was the wee small hours of the morning and the lady of the house flung open a window and shouted at them to keep quiet. "Is this where Frank lives?" one of the drunks asked. "Yes, it is," the woman replied. "Well then," said the drunk, "Could you come and pick him out so the rest of us can go home?"

McPherson walked into a bar and ordered from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
McPherson walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me," said another bar patron, who was puzzled over what McPherson had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing," said the Irishman, "my wife sent me out for a jar of olives."

A guy walks into a bar and from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He only brought enough money for one beer though. As he's drinking his beer, which was quite expensive, he realizes how bad he has to go to the bathroom. Not wanting anyone to drink his expensive beer, he takes out a 3x5 note card and writes on it, "I SPIT IN THIS BEER", and walks to the bathroom. When he comes back about 15 minutes later, there's another 3x5 note card next to his beer saying, "I SPIT IN IT TOO".

The husband was not home at his from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs. "Do you realize what time it is?" she asked. He answered, "Don't get excited. I'm late because I bought something for the house." Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear?" His answer was, "A round of drinks!"

A man drinking at the bar for from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
A man drinking at the bar for three hours, yells at the bartender for another drink. The bartender walks over and tells the man that he has already had too much to drink. The man looks up from his glass angrily and shouts. "I have been drinking for 36 years and I have no idea when I have had too much ...so how the hell do you know?"

A herd of buffalo can move only from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

A man walks into a bar and from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot then looks into his pocket. he does this over and over again. finally the bartender asks why he orders a shot and after drinking it he looks into his pocket. the man responded " i have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then i'll go home."

A man comes in to the room from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
A man comes in to the room and says to his wife, "I'm going to the pub. Get your coat on." The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity replies, "Does that mean that you are taking me with you, darling?" The husband replies, "No - I'm turning the heating off.

I was married times explained the man from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
"I was married 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull." "That's a shame." said his friend , "How did it happen?" "She wouldn't eat the mushrooms!"

A drunk is refused a drink in from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
A drunk is refused a drink in a bar, so he undertakes to prove to the barman that he is sober. He gestures toward a cat near the doorway and says, "You see that cat coming in the door? It has two eyes. If I were drunk, I'd see four!" The bartender looks, then pauses a moment. Finally he responds, "You're drunker than I thought!", taking the rest of the alcohol away, "That cat isn't coming in, it's going out!"

A man walks into a bar on from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out! "Holy cow! Did you see that!? That guy just jumped out the window!" The bartender does nothing. So the man takes another sip. A minute later the same guy walks in, orders another drink, chugs it, and jumps out the window again. "Jesus! He just jumped again!" The bartender ignores the man. So the man sits puzzled. The guy comes back into the bar, and orders another drink. "How did you survive that jump?".."I ordered a floatie drink, if you drink it in a certain amount of time, you can float." So the guy quickly orders a 'floatie' drink. He takes it from the bartender, and chugs it. He then jumps out the window and...SPLAT! Right on the sidewalk! The Bartender then say s, "You know, Superman...you can be a real jerk when you're drunk."

A cop is staking out a bar from Flashcomment Bar jokes beer booze and fun Jokes
A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, 'How is this possible?' The guy says,'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'